Grateful

Sometimes it seems our minds are not our own anymore. It seems the world is pressing in more and more into my little sanctuary, trying to rob me of the ability to think clearly. I've found it necessary to take small steps pushing back against the influx of information in order that Jesus may reign in my mind and soul rather than the anxieties and fears that accompany such a daily avalanche of information.

So grateful this week for the gift of a mind that can choose beauty, choose to love, choose to be kind rather than fearing the world and the future which always seems so uncertain. A mind that can choose to feed on life giving knowledge.

I know when I'm not under Jesus' yoke because anxiety and all my efforts to control rather than trust are burying me deep in the sand, unable to move forward. And so - repeatedly because I am remarkably human - I pull myself out and hand myself over, a little smaller every time, to Him who can carry me through the darkest tunnel.

We are moving from this beautiful part of the country. Virginia has shown me the most glorious fall I have ever known. Always moving. New unknown. Like Bilbo I get too comfortable and God sees the need to stretch me. I must always remember that this world is just my ship, and I've been remarkably good at getting too comfortable and somehow missing the peace that I expect would come with it. Home is important. It is my little sub-creation. It is my mirror on eternity and paradise. But it is only for a time. It is a means to an ultimate end. I'm looking forward to eternity with Jesus, but there is much to be transformed in me before I get there and I pray for the grace of perseverance.

True Yoke

These thoughts tiptoed into my winding, rushing, stumbling mind
What am I seeking, lightening my soul with
crying for? needing.

When He said, I shall find rest for my soul
with His yoke. Blessed direction. Relieving security.
Small spirit. Weak tears. Halcyon moment.

Precious faces come in
A mind that can know
A heart burying itself in love's divine home.

Come to me, all you that labour, and are burdened, and I will refresh you. Take up my yoke upon you, and learn of me, because I am meek, and humble of heart: and you shall find rest to your souls. For my yoke is sweet and my burden light.

Gospel of St Matthew Ch 11 vs 28-30

Looking back on a good year

Truth Poem

Bringing comfort to the sorrowing,

growing love greater in my soul.

shedding tears over the parting

a soul, just the remnant of autumn's leaves,

crackling under the sorrow that is life.

in the words of Our Father,

if you ask, let Your Will be done.

Just, let it be so,

so that joy will come.

This year has been truly fruitful. It is always a beautiful gift to be able to sit back and reflect on the year gone by and realize the beauty in the messes that it came with. I see my children, struggling and yet flourishing. I see a home that I love and take joy in tending. I see my soul, more vulnerable and in love with its Creator than ever.

Then there is the pain, always present but bearing fruit when I let it. There is joy - not always appearing as happiness - but that everlasting joy that comes from forever desiring and embracing Our Savior and our cross. It is truly a contradiction in this world, but we all know that the cross is folly.

We've gone hiking in new places, discovered that waterfalls exist in Nebraska, started piano lessons, changed our formal dining room for a library that is well utilized. I received the amazing gift of an electric piano for Christmas and birthday from my husband (better for military moves)! One of us saw the Milky Way with the naked eye in the middle of the Indian Ocean (can you guess where?). Family life is vivid and full!

I've prepared a post on the books that I am reading and planning on reading in the new year. I also have some goals with quilting. I barely posted my progress over the past year. There has been plenty!

Compared to this point last year, the year is looking a lot clearer and intentional. Last January, there was a feeling of being a little lost and even overwhelmed. God is granting me many graces, but this time I'm seeing them. Daily praying for His Will and loving His Will is soothing and gripping for my soul.

Learning here lately...

I'm overdue for a post. So much good has been filling our days along with some struggles.

We've all been sick in one way or another for the past month necessitating visits to the ER and doctors to treat pneumonia and ear infections. Sleep has been rough but without fail, God provides His grace everyday and there is peace in our home.

The boys are missing Daddy who is deployed until the summer. I've missed him especially this time and I'm not sure why. I'm used to his frequent trips.

We've had a steady stream of visitors to our bird feeder at school. My garden is blooming in many places. My countertop is regularly adorned with wild flowers, sometimes arranged according to height and accompanied by excited words flowing about their names and descriptions. There are four nests in close proximity to our garden - two robins nests, one with a very fussy robin under my deck. Our vegetable garden was started a few weeks ago with cool weather plants: swiss chard, lettuce, beets, kale, radishes.

I love this season!

New year resolutions?

Where does time go? The past year has been swallowed up in a trip to New Zealand, a move cross country, building a house, launching myself into a whole new role as pre K/ K teacher part time and learning too many ideas about education theory along the way that now I am awake at night mulling over it all. Not to mention the ongoing health issues culminating in unexpected surgeries and still yet more tests to help resolve long imbalanced hormones.

The purpose of this post is to push through the muddle that has been occurring in my mind at times - and unfortunately on occasion at 3am - to get some clarity on goals for this year and reflect on the year past. New Year resolutions are not my forte typically, but I do love the freshness and new beginnings that January brings.

First, the realization that despite efforts to the contrary, it is still my will and not God's will that is driving my days has been coming home to roost over this Christmas season and shaken me interiorly. Daily acts of Faith, Hope and Love are in order for this somewhat upside down soul.

Next, with my body well on the path to mending, running is back to being a priority. A goal of two to three times a week.

Sewing. Regular - hopefully daily - sewing. I've been working on some amazing stuff that I've been failing to record. Reason for this is my camera! I misplaced my aged but faithful Canon digital.

I'm working on my book list for the year. There are some rereads in there, and new ones. A lot of Charlotte Mason, beauty and truth, prayer. I've started the year with a worn out brain, but life saving grace comes from God and He is providing.

Now... off to try and take some pictures that I have managed to hunt down my camera.

Happenings

It seems that starting a post with pictures is a pleasant way to soften harder topics, namely health issues and surgeries. Tomorrow is another surgery for me. It will be four hours with a truly great surgeon and then true healing can hopefully start.

Around the house however, we have been doing a lot of freezer cooking, baking, preparing for Thanksgiving as much as possible, enjoying the milder temperatures when they come. I've also completed a nativity peg doll exchange that I organized with fourteen other mothers like me, looking to fill the stockings of their children this Christmas.

I'm starting the St Andrew Novena on Sunday, making beeswax advent candles, pulling out Mary and Joseph to start their journey to Bethlehem and setting up the Jesse Tree with some bare branches from the wooded backyard of a friend. It's exciting to see the anticipation and bright eyes on the faces of my boys. I am so glad for life.

I woke up to the perfect gift this morning

It was true joy that I heard singing out this morning when I looked out the window. Much to my surprise, some of it was coming from me! Last night I fell asleep very late to the sound of the wind howling around the corners of our house. I took a late night peek on our deck and saw some snowflakes and wondered what I would wake up to in the morning.

It seems to me that I went to sleep in fall, and woke up to a true Nebraska winter. Crystal clear blue skies, small white snow drifts against the glass windows. Not enough for a snowman, but enough to make my heart leap with awe. I love this season. So still, silent, constantly inviting me outside. It seems to me that the sun shines so much more brilliantly through the windows onto the floor. The smell of real soup broth simmering on the stove glides throughout the house, and the world seems to take a deep sigh and stand to take stock of the year.

A beautiful thing happens when the world goes silent as it does in winter, we hear and notice so much more. That is, if we keep at bay the raucous bustle that grows exponentially before the arrival of Christmas. This morning, I heard it. Outside all nature had retreated into calm; but several twittering and highly excitable birds emerged in the clean chilly air searching for food that would keep their fragile little bodies alive as the air drained the heat from their bodies. I've been waiting for them. We've spotted the odd cardinal and chickadee in our fairly empty backyard. However we have planted three trees. Under the white birch I have put two feeders and plan to add a bird bath. I could watch them all day. I'm so glad they have come and I can't wait to see more.

This Advent, I'm welcoming the silence in. Elijah heard God in a still small voice. I need to hear God clearly in this season.

New Zealand

Despite a long haul flight and two shorter ones with two young boys spread over two days, I am back and surprisingly refreshed and enthused as I pack for our big move. New Zealand does this to me, especially when it is spent in the company of my incredible family.

We climbed hills (and some volcanoes), ate hokey-pokey ice-cream, dug holes in volcanic sand up to our knees (and waists for some of us). I ate battered and fried fish, drank more Lattes in Bowls than there were days it seemed, and took pure joy in family life.

To our delight, my husband was able to join us for ten days this time. We visited our Alma Mater (although I'm not really sure I feel that way about it!), took walks in our old favorite places - and found new ones, and discovered that the boys would have been happy to live at the beach.

This time round, I am missing my family in New Zealand a great deal more. It is the uncertainty of change. We are moving to Nebraska next week. I'm packing and planning, anticipating the move into our new house. I'm taking on something new and wonderful that I'm excited to be doing. Will have to share more on that later.

Sewing has taken flight in other forms now that my sewing machine is packed and ready for the car ride.

7 Quick Takes in a poem

- 1 -

All week, quilting has been tickling my eyes;

- 2 -

and fall leaves have been joyfully jabbering through my sewing room window.

- 3 -

A notable broadcast has rushed down the chimney,

- 4 -

and whistled its way into the happy song of this melancholic.

- 5 -

Commotion constantly lingers in the edges of my orderliness;

- 6 -

but birds tee heeing around the feeder,

- 7 -

 tell me good changes are coming.

Linking with Cari this week for 7 quick takes.

What story are you writing?

Elizabeth Foss has written a post that asks a question that is the perfect summation of all the questions I have been asking recently. What is the story I am writing? It always seems to come back to love. Did I love whole heartedly? Or did I put conditions on everything and everyone?

Am I completely integrating, 'weaving' the spiritual life in with the physical and emotional life so that I make wise decisions?

We've all suffered. We've all been disillusioned. These are our opportunities for learning the hardest lesson, humility. In the most hidden recesses of my heart, God sees and God alone understands. So I must trust Him with all of this and know that my complete happiness is His plan even when life seems to contradict everything the way I think it should be.

So the story that I hope I am writing is one that loves my family with sincerity, commitment, selflessness. A story that accepts that nothing is going to be perfect the way my personality always wants it to be, but a story that is full of trust that God will bring about perfection from my weakness.

A story that chose joy, and a story of a girl that chose peace from God instead of bitterness from pain.

The lilting words
wrapped her trusting
soul with sweet apple pie.
Heavenly Fall

Peace swelled, 
as her little one
rested against her heart.

Visceral calm
no matter the 
outside confusion.